AN ABUSER’S POWER & CONTROL CAN TAKE MANY FORMS

http://members.nbci.com/jaxs_site/violence.html

Isolation: Controlling where she goes, what she does, where she lives;
isolating her from family and friends.

Intimidation: putting her in fear by using looks, actions, gestures, smashing things,
destroying her property.

Emotional Abuse: insulting and putting her down, jealousy and possessiveness.
Playing mind games.

Economic abuse: trying to keep her from getting a job. Taking her money,
making her ask for money.

Sexual Abuse: making her do things against her will. Treating her like a sex object.
Attacking her body/sexual parts.

Spiritual Abuse: not letting her go to church or church functions.
Not letting her worship in her own way.

Threats: threatening harm/kill her or other family members.
Threats to harm or take the children from her.

Animal Abuse: neglect or physical abuse to family pets or farm animals.

EVENTUALLY ALL OF THESE CAN LEAD TO PHYSICAL ABUSE:
PUSHING, SLAPPING, CHOKING, ETC.

THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

Tension Building Stage: tension begins to increase and controlling gets worse;
incidents get progressively worse.

Explosion stage: physical violence: hitting, shoving, slapping, choking, etc.
Threatening with or using weapons.

Loving Stage: batterer becomes loving and acts remorseful; sending flowers, taking you out. May even go to counseling so you will take him back.
Also called the “honeymoon stage”.

THE TENSION BUILDING STAGE BEGINS AND THE CYCLE IS REPEATED.

Many people think that they can help their abuser, or that he/she will change if given enough love and understanding. Without the desire to change, and the assistance of anger management classes and/or counseling, these people are NOT going to change; no amount of love is going to make it happen. The saying about "loving someone to death" is frighteningly realistic in this kind of situation..please don't let it happen to you! Love is not supposed to hurt!

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